Saturday, May 28, 2011

My Beloved

     I’ll bet you think I don’t feel anything anymore.  I often wonder if I’ll ever live down my title of being a pragmatist.  I want to.  I want to dig down deep inside myself and find the “me” that used to have time to sit and think about the aches in my heart, or the longing desires to get up and DO!!  I think about the person from long ago that would hurt so much, sleeping or eating was impossible.  The person that would lose herself in the expectations of an event; even if it meant being disappointed in the end.  I want to dream more, laugh more, live more, love more!
     Somewhere along the way, feelings were pushed back so priorities could move to the head of the line.  Relaxation and time for taking life in, was lost to running.  Always running.  A relentless river, ever running with no real destination.  Just to get there, to get it done and get on to the next thing.  Instead of running to the ocean, a vast and beautiful refuge to get lost in and appreciate; I was running to the swamp, achieving life but at a standstill with no variety, and all of the beauty hidden in the marsh of responsibilities.
     I want to be the person you asked to marry.  Love was at the forefront of my heart and mind.  You didn’t have any faults, you were everything.  You still are.  Your kindness astounds, your tender heart always softens mine.  Though I may not always show it, I need you.  I have dared to ponder what life would be like if you were suddenly gone.  I have to stop, because I can’t fathom the pain and wonder how I will ever be able to do that.  Only God and He alone could rescue me from that kind of heartache. 
     You are the love of my life, so good to me and to your children.  Your sacrifices are surely being recorded in that book of life we know is awaiting us someday.  God tells us to keep no record of wrongs, but it is never written that we should not remember the good that someone has done for us.  I do, and there are no words to express how grateful I am to you that you love me like Christ loved his church.  I only wish that I had written this love letter in February for our 15th Anniversary, but here it is, in it’s own time.  Please receive it with all the love in my heart.  I love you.


DonnaGeorgi said...

You have such a gift with words

JaniceM said...

Beautiful letter, Christi. I think your letter could apply to a lot of marriages.
Very well written. Thanks for sharing!

Teresa said...

This is beautiful Christi. I am really enjoyed your blog. Thank you for sharing it with us.