Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I Once Was Lost

     When I was younger I battled a recurring dream.  It would be the beginning of the school year when everything was new and unfamiliar.  I would be going along and suddenly get this feeling after some time had passed that something was wrong.  Suddenly I found myself very confused about my schedule of classes and was baffled as to what class came next.  Then I would realize with horrifying dread that I had not been to a math class in weeks.  I had just completely forgotten to go.  I would agonize over whether or not to show up after all of this time.  If I did decide to go back, where was it anyway?  If I didn’t go back would anyone notice?  Would I fail the class?  I would wake up completely stressed out and confused.

      I never had any of that happen in real life, but I always wondered why that dream would plague me.  I began to notice a pattern.  I was a control freak.  When I felt like my life was out of control or disorganized, guess what dream I would have?  This morning I was talking to some friends about the need to finish my planning for this school year.  I told them that I’d better get my act together so I didn’t have one of my school nightmares.  It dawned on me after saying that, that it has been a really long time since I have had one. 
     I won’t say that there aren’t times where I forget who is really in control.  But I do think that I have grown some in this area and that trust more and more that things will be alright.  I just do my job to the best of my ability.  I pray about it and ask God to help me in all areas of my children’s schooling, then I have to let go.  I suppose when it comes to my life and how organized I am, a good gauge of my trust in God is to pay attention and see if my old school dream comes back.  It is probably a good message for me when I don’t have my life as together as it could be.  I was in fear of being lost in that dream.  I know that I don’t have to fear that anymore.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. 

Ps. 139:9-12
My peace and comfort lies in these words today.