Saturday, June 18, 2011

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

     Before I knew it the tears were just spilling out of my eyes!  In the midst of it happening, I was taken aback.  Where did these come from?  It has been difficult for me to show my emotions for a long time.  I hardly ever cry anymore.  I’m not sure why.  I think I just got into the habit of suppressing them so that I could do “important” things.  Writing has opened the door.  A cob-webbed, creaky door that has been closed off and forgotten about for years has now been thrown open and the light is pouring in and helping me to see again.  This may sound strange, but even crying can be something to be thankful for, right there in the middle of it all, I was thankful.
     Too many days I have lived just crossing things off of a list.  Clean the house, check.  Go shopping, check.  Study bible, check.  I was being head-led instead of spirit-led.  The spirit was with me all along and sometimes I heard it loud and clear and obeyed it aside from my planning.  Mostly though, I just existed.  I’m ready to start living.  A real life, a deeper one, grounded in living for the one who gave me everything.  I want to stop and smell the roses; ponder what this life is really about and gain every bit of wisdom God has for me.  I want to feel what he wants me to feel.
     Pain is a hard thing to bear, but I believe sometimes that’s just what he wants us to feel.  Instead of avoiding pain, I need to look at it differently.  What is that saying?  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  There is!  Huge amounts of light.  Wisdom, more joy, peace of mind, tolerance, patience:  the list goes on and on.  Each time, every situation has a different hue of light to fill the void.  While living through a trial, focusing on the light may be the thing that keeps a heart joyful.  When the eyes have been in the darkness for just long enough to adjust to it, a peek down the tunnel could be the key to finding that one speck of light.  Keep peeking.

     Joy is always what he wants for us.  If nothing else in your pain can come to mind, there is always the cross.  Joy can come from that.  For me, lately joy has been the focus of my heart.  I’m trying to find it in the little things.  The cool of the air conditioner, that takes my breath away, when I enter the house in the heat of the day.  The beautiful black bird, with the ruby cheek, that was sitting on the fence at a traffic light.  The giggles of my kids and husband having a tickling match on my bed this morning.  Joy, it’s there!  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.  This wisdom is in the bible for us and though most think of it as a noble verse, a favorite, I’m not sure it has ever been considered a key verse.  I think it is the key.  How can a Christian really live for him without this mindset?  How can you really trust, not worry, love and the rest without joy in the forefront of your mind?
    To make a long story short, those tears the other night were a blessing from God.  They helped me to finally let my heart be heard.  They helped me to be understood and to heal.  Tears in sadness turned out to be tears of joy.